free write

Ive been thinking a lot about the future. A few days ago it just hit me that high school is over and i’m going to be just working since i’m taking a gap year. All i’m happy about is i’m not going to have to wake up at 6 anymore. Waking up early is what i hated the most honestly. It was even worse when it was one of those nights where i could not sleep at all. Somehow i would be able to stay up all day in school but once i got home i slept till 9 or even later. I was also thinking about i won’t get to dress up at much anymore. If i end up working at the mall or something I could but i still have no idea where i’m going to work yet. Since the pandemic hit it’s a bad time to be working right now. I’ve been waiting for this to happen for this to get better so i can start applying again. I’m honestly grateful i never got hired anywhere I applied to before the pandemic because it’s definitely risky to be working right now. I was also thinking about how my last summer vacation is going to be boring. It’s definitely still going to be risky to go anywhere this summer.  It’s funny because for my new years resolution i said i was going to go out more often. I had plans on going to the city in spring but it had to be cancelled smh. I was so excited too because i made a list of all of the places i wanted to visit at the city. It makes me sad because the last time i went to the city was last summer and i had no sleep that day. My biggest mistake ever because we had to walk and it was so hot. I was honestly going to faint it was so bad. I just have to worst sleeping schedule in the summer :(. It was a lesson though, always get that good nights sleep. I just cannot wait for things to get better and everything reopens again. 

one thing I miss the most

Since quarantine happened and most places are still closed I have been looking at room decor and clothes most of the time. If you don't know me, I like to buy secondhand meaning going to thrift stores or buying secondhand online. Mostly thrifting though because its way cheaper. Im struggling to not buy from these Etsy grandmas because they over price vintage decor for wayyy too much. Im talking about stained items for about $45 and more plus expensive shipping. Somebody take their Etsy away immediately. You could find that same exact item at goodwill for $3. It really takes a while to find a good deal online. Shipping is what makes it so expensive. A small rant though. I really hate how savers really increased their prices. Personally for me, it doesn't affect me. But for the people for rely on thrift stores because they can't afford new clothes does. Since thrifting got really popular prices just increased. It makes sense because its business but they should've been more thoughtful for the people who who won't be able to afford it. Like the last time I went to savers I found a $70 jacket, really? This is a thrift store calm down with that price. Jackets there are the most pricey which sucks because again theres people who rely on thrift stores because they can't afford a good jacket anywhere else you know. 

a rant perhaps

This is basically things that i’ve been thinking of these past couple of day’s & sorry if it’s messy. I’ll start off by saying black. lives. matter. Still can’t believe black people are being killed just because of the color of their skin. Black people are just asking for basic human rights and there’s still people saying but... Also tired of people saying “all lives matter” No. All lives will matter once black lives finally matter. How do you not see the problem here? Throughout american history we see over and over again black people getting discriminated against. So many videos throughout the years of cops killing innocent black lives just because they felt “ threatened” UNARMED id like to add. Not just a few weeks ago white people were armed and yelling at cops crying over haircuts. What did the cops do? Nothing. Suddenly they didn’t feel threatened. How do you not see the problem??? Breonna  Taylor, we cannot forget how police shot her 8 times while she was asleep. and guess what? THE POLICE HAD THE WRONG ADDRESS. THEY MURDERED HER. and her MURDERERS are still free!!! NO CHARGES YET. How could you even argue against that??? When say ACAB i mean ALL. Don’t care if your dad is a cop either. They chose to be part of a racist, corrupt, and unjust system. Tired of seeing these videos of cops kneeling down. That’s just BS to me. If they actually cared they would simply quit being a cop. Seen a few videos of cops actually quiting and joining the protests. THIS is how it’s done. If you’re on twitter you’ve probably seen those videos of cops kneeling down. Then we get an update about how those same cops tear gassed and shot rubber bullets at the protestors. Like you can’t make this stuff up man. Also sooo many videos have come out of cops just beating people WHO WERENT EVEN PROTESTING. like this one man just walking back to his car just get dragged by a cop for no reason. Stop defending cops!!! they do not deserve sympathy!! Stop ignoring these problems. Stop staying quiet when there’s still innocent black lives getting MURDERED. It really bothers me how people are just posting unrelated things like nothing is happening. YOURE PART OF THE PROBLEM HERE. It doesn’t take much to just post useful information on social media now. I’ve been reposting information in ways you could help the BLM. Petitions, Where to donate, black businesses you could support, etc. THAT BLACK SQUARE THAT I SAW PEOPLE POSTING IS USELESS. I swear people really posted a black picture in ig with not even a caption. The same people who were silent the whole time too. Funny thing is they posted that but stayed silent the rest of the day + the next day.... you’re weird if you think this is just a trend!! Here’s another thing that bothers me, how you uglies who use the n word more than black people are silent too...  And the funny thing is, when you call them out for it they get soooo defensive . “ iM hIsPaNic” ok? You saying it makes it no different from a white person saying it. It was a word white people used to degrade black people. BLACK PEOPLE reclaimed that word NOT HISPANICS. Just because your black friends here in brentwood don’t care doesn’t mean that every black person you meet is going to be cool with you saying that. Since you love that word sooo much speak up atleast???? Y’all love black culture soooo much but when they need our help.... crickets.... When one of your family members are being racist.... crickets..... If you can’t call out your racist family members you’re part of the problem as well. Older hispanic/latin people are very anti black. Don’t pretend it isn’t real either because it is. The “ all black people are criminals” is what you always hear from them . Soo... remember when MS was committing homicide here in brentwood they were the same people saying wE’RE aLL nOt liKe tHat”.. But when they see a black person commit a homicide on the news it’s suddenly “It’s always black people” Not sorry, but if you can’t call out your own racist family members for that then you’re part of the problem.

yes

Hey ladies I would like to announce that I'm over this online learning. I was starting to get the hang of sitting down, balancing everything but then the lack of motivation just hit me again. I even lost motivation to do things on Animal Crossing!!! I just want to just finish this school year already. Like seriously this pandemic was a plot twist. We really thought we were going to have a normal school year and have our graduation huh. Kinda grateful I never got employed because... Its horrible right now. If i'm being honest though i'm not really mad that our graduation had to be cancelled in June. I guess it hasn't hit me yet. Im just grateful we're still even getting one. I don't have any new life updates... Only that I changed my hair to blonde but going back to orange soon because I'm not a fan of it anymore. I really missed the orange so I can't wait. Other than that everyday has been the same, I wake up later, Clean, play animal crossing, say im gonna make up work but never do expect for today finally. Im currently writing this at 7:30 AM, this is where I would be at school right now, sitting in Spanish, eating a bagel with orange juice while listening to my amazing playlist. I seriously miss that so much. Sometimes I would just go to first period really early and eat my breakfast while my teacher plays Dreams by Fleetwood Mac. I even miss that.

me

The first week we had off from school wasn't the best tbh. But now I'm starting to enjoy it?? like being doing different things to keep my self busy, except my school work omg ( I finally got myself to do it today dw) I started to sew which is something I've always wanted to do since my mom sews. She's been sewing since her 20's and has this really old singer machine. My first creation was a ferret hammock since it was so easy to do. The ferret moms on Etsy charge way toooo much. its best to do it myself because I can decorate my ferrets cage however I want ;)). I ordered fabrics online to do other stuff which is exciting to me. I started going outside more, decorated the porch too. Even taking my ferret outside. The only bad thing about doing school work at home is how laaazy I get. Its so bad. And honestly sometimes I miss school?? even night school. I'm even starting to miss that "hey what's up" from Ms Kennedy whenever I saw her in the hallways. Honestly just miss how normal life was like 3 weeks ago lol. This virus killed my news years resolution of going out more. Hoping things get better soon <3.

When I Was Puerto Rican #2

Negi explains how everything changes when she moves to New York. It's normal because when you move countries, states, or even towns it takes time to adapt. Thats what Negi is going through right now. But she always explains how she hides her culture in school. To Negi, showing her Puerto Rican culture is embarrassing to her. She's mostly afraid being judged by others. But at home, she embraces her culture. She can't be judged at home. I see how she misses her life in Puerto Rico, thats where she really wants to be. Its really sad because a lot of kids like Negi doesn't have that opportunity to have friends with the same culture as her. Negi feels out of place just because she can't relate to anybody else. I thought we have the opportunity to share our cultures in school. You could find at-least one person to relate to here. Another thing is how diverse out school is too. So many school are not like that. Some schools don't even allow students to embrace their own culture either. I also thought about the video we saw in class about the boy who was suspended from school just because of his dreadlocks 'breaking the dress code' One thing I wish is Negi actually having that opportunity. Nobody should ever feel ashamed for being who they are. I also wished Negi had somebody to talk to about this. Somebody telling her that its okay to embrace her culture would've been so helpful. Just getting that support could've helped her become more confident. 

thoughts

I've recently have been interested in watching murder cases. Not in a weird way of course, mostly the forensics part of it. I find it funny because I'm literally talking forensic science for 3rd and 4th quarter Had no idea what that was at first. I also find it vunny how one of my forensic science assignments is to watch these types of videos. Ive literally been watching them voluntarily. Also my guidance counselor added this class last minute to my  schedule because I needed that science credit. I don't have early release anymore which sucks but ill be fine. But yes, I have been watching these cases. Mostly cold cases. What I find so interesting is how cases from like the 70's or 80's couldn't be solved only because they didn't have the technology to do so. But now since every have become so improved, so many cases have been solved. Also many innocent people have been put in prison for a crime they didn't commit because of eye witnesses claiming it was them. Now if evidence was left like a fingerprint, it could be tested now and identify who the real suspect was. So many innocent people sent to prison for a crime they didn't even commit. The best part of these cold cases finally being solved is seeing justice being served. the family finally having that closure. After thinking about it, this is something I might want to do in the future, going into that forensics field. It'll be nice to know that you helped solve a case you know. Honestly never liked science, its always been my worst subject. But I was thinking about how a few teachers I've had in the past used to hate the subject that they're now teaching so why not? 

When I was Puerto Rican #1

The book I choose was 'When I Was Puerto Rican' by Esmeralda Santiago. It really shows how different every family is. We really don't know about everything that goes on in every family. Esmeralda, also known as Negi explains to us how her family is far from perfect. Negi's mami does not have a job but papi does. In Negi's culture the father is the man of the household. He's the one that provides in the family. Most of the time the wife stays home with the kids and takes care of the house. With just one parent working, theres just not enough money. Mami refused to call herself a jíbaro Peasant is the best way to describe it. But for Negi, she's fascinated by them. Doesn't even mind being called a Jibaro. In my opinion, I don't really get the how its always the man in charge of the house. Thats like being controlled by somebody to me... I can't really say much since I've been raised by my mom basically, don't really know what its like having a dad at home. I know its a religious thing too, how women have to obey their husband always. Thats what I could think when I was reading about Negi's situation at home because thats how most married couples at church are (at least the church I go to) Ive never understood it because I've always thought being independent is better than depending on somebody else for basic needs. I was happy to hear that Negi's mom was the first women to get a job in her village. She even moves her family to New York City which is even better in my opinion. More oportunites for her and her family.  

little miss sunshine

hello boys its movie review time. We watched a movie called Little Miss Sunshine in class this week. omg this family is so chaotic.I love it though. Everyone in the family have something different going on but they're all messed up in a way and have the worst luck. Nothing ever goes their way. Literally everything went wrong for them. Everyone had a bad experience in the trip. Like Dwayne finding out he's color blind, Frank seeing his ex in the store, and even the grandpa dying in the motel. The worst moment to die. I wish the grandpa would've been able to see Olive perform at the beauty pageant. He would've been so proud. The beauty pageant was the funniest scene ever. Olive starting off as they shes dedicating her performance to her grandpa. Probably everyone thought she was going to sing a song or dance but no. Its her stripping to "Super Freak" I saw nothing wrong there honestly. I would say Olive had the best performance and least obnoxious. They started off the beauty pageant to children half naked but okay. Cutest scene every because the family finally came together after just insulting each other throughout the trip. This movie funny moments and a few life lessons too. Don’t ever be a loser!! I rate this movie 11/10 because it made me laugh. Honestly if that guy from The Office is in it it must be funny. I enjoyed this movie and it’s my favorite movie that Ms.Kennedy has shown us so far and I hope she keeps on showing this movie to her students every year.

liFe

Yesterday was a productive day for me. I got 8 hours of sleep finallyyyy. Sleeping late is such a bad habit of mine. I just get so distracted with my phone and the tiredness goes away. Yesterday was a easy day in school too. Basically listened to music the whole day. I love music man, i seriously cannot go a day without it. Especially in a school day. The few times i forgot my ear buds I was so miserable. Anyways i’m really excited about christmas. I got gifts for my boyfriend and my mom so far. I got my ferret a new set up for his cage lol. I honestly want another ferret... pretty bad. I’ve been really thinking about it a lot recently. I understand that it would be double the work like cleaning the cage and i have to really pay attention to them. They’re literally kids. I think I can actually do it though. It'll be worth it to me. Maybe in a few months i’ll be able to, hopefully ;)). School has been so easy lately man. I really made some changes and it’s going great. I’ve been doing work in lunch and anytime i have free time in class. I’ve been really proud of thattt. I’ve been feeling really good about myself these past few weeks. I cut my hair a little yesterday after many months of not cutting it, oops. I cut more than i was supposed to but it’s fine anyways because hair grows. I feel like adults don’t understand that hair grows over time lol. I remember begging my dad to let me cut my hair for an year.If im being honest, i don’t see why you have to give your hair THAT much value. Hair will always grow back. If i wanted to i would let it grow but i’ve been cutting it for the past 3 years. But omg, i decided that during the break i’m going to dye my hair to a bright orange. Hopefully i willl. I’m pretty much obsessed with the color orange right now. Not sure what color i’m going to dye my hair next but we’ll see ;))).

spotify wrapped 2019 boys

Honestly Spotify wrapped is one of the few things I look forward to all year. Basically spotify gives you your top 5 artists and songs you've listened most all year. Dude I saw the Apple Music version and it was the ugliest thing I've ever saw. Spotify will always be #1 for me. Anyways my top genre ended up being rock. Its not really a surprise to me because I've always loved different types of rock. I even grew up listening to latin rock as a kid since my dad also loved rock. I was mostly into modern rock in middle school. It wasn't until 10th grade I started to listen to classic rock. I don't know but it really took me a while to really enjoy it. At that time I preferred to listen to rap like Brockhampton (2017-2018 when they were actually good lololol.) Until of late December of 2018 I gave classic rock another chance. Thats when I started to listen to The Beatles. LEGENDSSSSSS. I really enjoyed their music this year. Just getting into this genre made me want to listen to more. 146 new artists is a lot. Like i’ve never heard a songs by The Doors before. They were one of those that took me a while to really enjoy too. I won’t forget last year when i had Mr. Chamberlin he had a doors poster. It’s pretty cool because back then i didn’t know anything about them but now a year later they end up in my top artists lol. Which makes me wonder what other artists will I discover, will I enjoy another genre more than classic rock, will I find another artists that'll be my #1 next year? we'll see next year. 

The music always influenced my style. I really just wore whatever I want. Pretty much since middle school I had that confidence. I had an emo phase 7th-8th grade. Tbh used to only wear black and some emo band tee. My favorite jeans were these hot topic jeans that were ripped and also had buckles on each rip. Pretty cool pants tbh i would wear them but they don’t fit me anymore smh. I remember getting stares but that shouldn't really matter honestly. If you feel comfortable wearing it then there shouldn't be a problem. 1 person that really caught my attention was George Harrison. That man really had style. and I really look up to him for that. 2019 was pretty life changing and hope 2020 will be even better.